Tarot of the Crone in Bad Bentheim, Germany.

There is a Tarot of the Crone study group at Yahoo groups. Ellen Lorenzi-Prince, the creator of the deck has posted a new moon spread there for a focus card: the Ace of Disks. This card shows a belly of a woman. 

         

My first card, pulled with the question: ‘for what do I hunger’, is shadow of disks (a shadow card is a card has too much of its element) : I hunger for something new, I am bored and there is nowhere to go, everything is the same in this desert. 

       

My second card, ‘what I am starving for’, is beast of wands: I am starving for the bright and yellow in my life, for pleasure and energy, things that I miss on card one. 

         

My third card, ‘of what I do I have enough’, is nine of disks: The houses are like boxes, precise and neat. I am afraid that before I know, I’ll step on toes, I'll do something wrong. It makes me tired. 

          

The fourth card, ‘of what can I never have enough’, is again a nine, a nine of wands: I can never have enough of energy, of the energy and power of the sun and the moon, the power that runs through me and which makes me, ‘me’, which gives me my identity. With this power (which is me) I am able to go in and out the boxed houses from the nine of disks with less fear, and this energy helps to enliven my barren desert on the shadow of disks. Love this card. 

          

This morning my daughter (12) went to school on her seven centimeter pumps. We have a new vacuum cleaner with a face on it: it has eyes and a mouth. By leaving for school she turned around, beaming a radiant smile to me and said: “It has a face!” She is still a child.

It is Palm Sunday today. On this Sunday is remembered that Jesus entered Jerusalem. The people on the street waved with palm branches. He entered Jerusalem as a king, but he rode on a donkey, which is not an animal kings usually ride on. My card today is drawn to the question: How can I be a king as Jesus? 

               

I pulled Seven of Pentacles from the Victorian Romantic Tarot. On the card a girl looks intensely at a little bunch of flowers she has picked. There are just a few flowers in the bunch and they are very tiny. I’ve used a looking glass to see them.

I can be a king as Jesus by feeling accomplished, also when my achievements are not that big. For that I need to try not to set my aims too high. More importantly, I need to stay focused on the job at hand, not being diverted by status, what others think of me, and quick results.

Today my question is “What makes that my eyes see, my heart opens, and I heal?” It is inspired by John, who quotes Isaiah.

I have drawn a card from the Tarot of Jane Austen, Ten of Quills (Ten of Swords). I thought I never pulled it before and I scanned it, but I have. 

               

Shown is Elizabeth Bennet from Pride and Prejudice. Darcy, whom she loves, walks away. She has informed him that a man called Wickam has eloped with her sister Lydia. This means societal ruin for her sister and for her. She is distressed, and thinks she will never be able to marry Darcy. All ends well, but she does not know that right now.
I planned less classes in the following season, and I have raised my prices. I want to write a book for reading the Bible with the instrument of tarot, but the book seems far away in a distant future. I still first have to prepare two new courses for next season. It all feels uncomfortable, as an ending with no real sight at the future.  

What makes that my eyes see, my heart opens and I heal? Give in to this situation and accept it as it is. Maybe blind eyes are needed here, they’ll see. 

Today I got an email from the public library that a book had arrived. I ordered this book on Thursday and today it is Saturday. It had to come all the way from Utrecht from a university library. Libraries are wonderful things.

I wanted to buy the book, I looked at Better World Books and found a link there with the suggestion that maybe I could borrow the book from a library in the neighborhood. I clicked, Worldcat came up, a worldwide catalogue of libraries, and almost immediately I knew it was in Utrecht. Awesome.

I had had a funny conversation with the librarian while ordering the book. The book is called “Living the Incarnation; Praying with Francis and Clare”. “Incarnation”, he said, “Is that not something you do, you just reincarnate, you live or you do not live, you cannot choose to reincarnate while living already cannot you?” The word incarnation is a technical term referring to the becoming human of Christ, but it took me a while before I could say that. I have just read a book about environmental theology. In this book the whole earth becomes Christ who suffers, and is suffering right now from pollution. The whole of the earth is the incarnation of God. Suddenly I thought it was really wrong and politically incorrect to say…”Yes, well, the incarnation refers to God becoming human, 2000 years ago…”. But eventually I came up with the right words, which were: “God”, “human”, “2000 years ago”.

Tomorrow a new episode in my life as a mother begins. My daughter, aged twelve, will wear pumps (heels 7 centimeter) to a big school party. I do not know if I am up to it.

My card for today was inspired by famous words of Jesus in John. He says about himself that he is a door for a cattle of sheep. Jesus leads them outside and they follow him because they know him. Outside he takes them to nice green grass (sheep is not meant belittling, although it sounds like that). 

                         

I’ve pulled Sword Four from the Arthurian Tarot. The place Jesus leads me to, is not outside, but inside. The road leads to a an easy accessible chapel. In this chapel I can lay down my sword, in order to rest. The process of becoming comfortable in raising my prizes has cost five months. I have pulled lots and lots of Pentacles during these months. I need to rest, and I can. Well, if nothing else comes up.

This morning I took a stern look at the prices for my courses with a friend who is good in pricing. I needed to raise the prices, and I did. We managed to do it in such a way that it is good for me and good for the clients. I am very happy.

In John (Joh 6:48-51) Jesus speaks of himself as bread which he will give for the life of the world.

The question for today, derived from these words is: What is the sacrifice that gives me life? Death from the Tarot of the Secret Forest is the card that came up. 

                            

Very classical, to pull the Death card for this question, since Jesus his sacrifice was his life. Classical or not, I am not grasping it. Tomorrow another day.

My card of today is an answer to the question: How am I bread that gives life? This question is inspired by words of Jesus in John in which he says that he is the bread that gives life. As bread Jesus shares his body. I received Two of Cups from the Fey Tarot. 

                  

I am bread that gives life by showing who I am and sharing what I experience in my life. A thing I often forget; it is a lovely reminder.

How do I meet Jesus (in what appearance)? This question is inspired by the miracle at sea, in which the disciples are saved by Jesus. They see him coming, walking on the water. 

                       

My card comes from the Fey Tarot, which is funny, because these are weird images. The card that I have pulled is the Hanged Man. I meet Jesus in the form of a fish, under sealevel.

I need to think about this. On to bed now.

From what do I need more? This was yesterday’s question, inspired by the miracle of bread and fish. The card I pulled was Knight of Candlesticks (Wands). 

                 

I need more lightness in my life. Definitely.

After partying with die-hard Barthian theologians and spending the night at my father in law who is all into Steiner -worlds apart- I was wondering what card would came up to the question: “What is it that I do not see and do not hear?”

I have pulled the Maiden of Swords from the Arthurian Tarot. 

                 

Depicted is Dindraine, who weaves a sword belt with her own hear and embroiders the scabbard of a sword which is meant as a sword of justice. The sword belt is a belt of mercy. The bearer of the sword will be girdled with mercy and humility.

It is mercy my eyes and ears are closed for. Probably most of all, mercy for myself, because that is where it all starts.

My card of today is an answer to the question: Which word of God do I or keep (preserve)? To my surprise The Lord of Candlesticks (King of Wands) came up (Tarot of Jane Austen). 

                

Captain Frederick Wentworth is a character from Persuasion. He is determined, fiery and passionate. Determination and passion (fire) is what I keep as the word of God (I also need it).

I have pulled the King of Wands a few months ago to the question: “What will be new and healing on my religious/spiritual path?” 

            

How can I be truly free? This question is derived from a saying of Jesus in John.
I pulled the Ace of Swords from the Victorian Romantic (not for the first time). 

                     

I can be truly free by feeling the freedom to pick up the sword and make my decisions based on…based on what…on what I want. Hmmm..don’t know exactly how to put that in words.

This angel on this card looks a little bit like Caroline Bennett, on the Lovers card from the Jane Austen tarot, the card I pulled yesterday. Caroline, standing at the window, is light and lovely and airy as well, just as the angel on Ace of Swords. 

                       

I worked intense on a course for next year, and then on a difficult -but lovely- project of the church, and yesterday I felt sick. I have not pulled my cards for days. I miss the reflection on my inner processes. So I am glad I am able to make an entry today.

The card that I have pulled today is an answer to the question: What is the truth about me that liberates me? The question is based on a saying of Jesus in John about truth that liberates.

My card comes from the Tarot of Jane Austen: it is the Lovers. Depicted is Mr. Darcy, who looks to Elizabeth Bennett at the window. Caroline Bingley stands behind him, and wants his attention, but he does not see her. They are characters from Pride and Prejudice. 

                      

Mr. Darcy needs to choose between the two woman on the card. What will liberate me is that I need to make a choice. What I need to be aware off in the choice, is my need to be liked. That makes it hard to say 'no', I do not do this, when someone wants something from me or wants to be with me. I need to be on the look out that this will not motivate my behavior and choices too much. I think that is the truth about me that liberates me. Knowing that truth, I can try to set out my own course – and hopefully the lovely Caroline Bingley at the open window with fresh air, will marry me.

The question for Thursday is “Who or what calls me to life?” It is inspired by words of Jesus in John saying: “Most assuredly, I tell you, the hour comes, and now is, when the dead will hear the Son of God’s voice; and those who hear will live.” (Obviously our Judgement Card)

I have pulled Eight of Swords from the Transformational Tarot. 

                   

I am lying in an awful place, in an uncomfortable manner, on rocks, or on something that is hard. I really should rise up and walk. It is not healthy to stay in this unfruitful place. Still, there is nothing that calls me. I do not see in the card something that calls me to life. That is the difficulty of the Eight of Swords, it looks if nothing can be done.

I need to do it myself, by realizing that, although I am used to this situation, it is not a good place to be in.