In this passage Jesus teaches in the temple. Jesus and his miracle were becoming famous, many people believed in him and therefore the chief priests and the Pharisees sent officers to arrest him. They do not take him in custody yet and Jesus says: “I will be with you a little while longer, then I go to him who sent me. You will seek me, and won’t find me; and where I am, you can’t come.” Jesus speaks here of his upcoming death, but nobody understood this. They were surprised, thinking that Jesus in a little while wanted go to another country to teach there.
Still, Jesus words are enigmatic: ...If we seek him, we do not find him, and where he is, we cannot come... So I wonder: where is Jesus that I cannot come there (a place, a state of being)? That is my question to the tarot today.
I have used the Motherpeace Tarot and I’ve pulled the Four of Discs reversed (Four of Pentacles).
I hoped for a beautiful answer, but I did not get it. I got an answer of disillusion.
Pictured on the Four of Discs is a woman who closes a door. She wants to be in her own space and needs the boundaries of the walls and a closed door: a space for her alone. Jesus safe and sound.
But it is not this interpretation that counts here, because I have pulled this card reversed, which gives an opposite meaning here. In that case there are no walls functioning as boundaries. There is no door that can be closed. The woman is run over by things and people.
This is what happened to Jesus in the end. Run over by people: by Judas who betrayed him, by the multitude that wanted to have him killed, by Kajefas who took the decision to crucify him, by Petrus, his disciple who was too scared to tell that he was a friend of him, by me in my inability to be true to myself. Where he is, we do not know. I seek him, but I cannot find him.