In my visualisation It was stuffy in the house of the Hierophant, an Islamic teacher in the Victorian Romantic Tarot. I felt that I did not fit in. I felt tall, white and felt strange, coming from another century. Suddenly I grew taller and taller. I grew way above the card and the house of the Hierophant. I did not like that at all, felt really ashamed, thought I was an arrogant person, being that tall. I was like a tall, lean rubber puppet. I was too tall really. Suddenly I shrank and I sat as one of the boys at a table. That was nice, because I fitted in, and I felt that I belonged there. A smile came on my face, visualizing this.
What does this say about my illnesses and limitations and the purpuse of my life? Am I rebuked by my illnesses and limitations for feeling too ‘big’, too ‘tall’? Is it something that I do to myself, as a punishment for being too educated, or feeling smarter than others? Or is this all just an illusion or me being angry at myself about it, and is there another interpration possible? I do not know. I hope a dream will shed some light on it.