It is still difficult for me to work on the computer in a relaxed way. I cannot yet get in a 'knight of Pentacles-routine' that I want so badly (August 15). It seems I cannot do both things: relaxing, and working on the computer. Yesterday I got excited, like so often, forgot to relax, and that gives me pain (I showed my mother a little picture of a moving van on the computer that showed our ordered Bohemian Cats tarot-decks were coming, but had not arrived yet). Not only stress, but excitement too gives tensed muscles. Mean, is not it?
So, today I must (always again anew) come back to myself again, and therefore I pulled a card from the Arthurian Tarot, a deck that centers on the story of the Grail; I love it for that, and because it is nature-based.
I drew The Wounded King, The Hanged Man in this deck, as an answer to the question: "Who am I today?" The card pictures the wounded King Arthur who cannot heal himself, and waits for the grail-question to be asked.
Arthur is in pain, and cannot do anything else than lying there, in this safe enclosed space in the woods.
What I like so much in this version of The Hanged Man is the tension and the pain of King Arthur. He grips the sheet on his bed with force. The challenge of the Hanged Man is surrendering. King Arthur does not do that. It is so true. We, well I, do not want to surrender, I do not want to have pain from excitement; I do not want to be hindered by limitations or what-ever circumstances. I want to do my own thing really. "The giving up of the will into the greater care of the universe is terribly difficult," is said in Hallowquest, a book about this deck. It certainly is.