January 24th, 2007

Madonna del "Magnificat" (detail)


I went to the doctor for my sinus infection. He looked with a little lamp in my nose and he was very impressed: “You must feel really uncomfortable with this,” he said. “It is huge!” After that he prescribed ‘the whole range’ whatever that is, and we went on talking about a drug for allergies that can cause it. “Some people just know their sinus-infection is caused by an allergic reaction, is that the case with you?” “No”, I said. Then he leaned over towards me -as in a conspiracy- and said: “Did not you see that in your cards?” “NO,” I shrieked.

I never use the cards for medical questions (one should never, ever do that) What is probably interesting to look at though, is what I gain from this happening to me. I mean with ‘gain’: growing as a person. I do not mean “illness-profit,” by which an attitude of avoidance is meant. I do not believe in that really. To me illness, especially chronic illness, is ‘a path to go in life’, it gives one special task. Having to live with illness gives one extra qualities that are developed by being ill. I know by this by experience from my fibromyalgy. This sinus-infection is not chronic and not serious, but still: “What do I gain (meaning: growth) by having this sinus-infection?”

I have pulled my card from the Motherpeace Tarot and I received Four of Wands. Depicted are four girls who are dancing to celebrate their first menstruation. 


One of the meanings of this card is ‘initiation’. These girls are initiated into womanhood and the responsibilities of it. Probably my sinusitis is an initiation in taking more responsibility for my health than I did before; I must not take on too much. 

To me this card also means, that I need to live in the moment. The girls are anjoying themselves.
Furthermore its teaching me to enjoy what I have accomplished, and what I have in my life. I This short-term illness is a sort standstill in time; it has another quality forcing me to reflect on that. 

It learn from it not to worry as well. Sometimes the infection gives a fogginess in the head. It is then if I am floating through life (to be honest I do not really like that…), but that certainly inhibits worry. Still, the despite the fogginess, I am able to do the tasks I need to do. So, it is saying to me that worrying does not help.

If you happen to read this while having a chronic illness and if you are inspired by this reading to do it yourself, please do not pick only one card. You do not do yourself justice then! But if you lack the energy for more than one card, pull one from the Majors, and read all its layers.