February 18th, 2007

Madonna del "Magnificat" (detail)

A Scarf and a Plaid

Yesterday the Tarot of Jane Austen fell in my mailbox. Book and concept are by  chelsearoad. This deck is based on the books of Jane Austen. On the cards are situations and persons pictured from her books. It seems to me a friendly deck, but I do not really know yet, since I have only pulled one card. I have asked the deck: “What can I learn from you,” and picked Nine of Coins (Nine of Pentacles). 

On this card an old man sits comfortably on a bench with a plaid over his legs. He sits in a beautiful garden; a big house is behind him. He is comfortable and enjoys himself. The card depicts Mr.Weston from the book: “Emma” .
The first thing that comes up in my mind is that I think this deck can teach me that I can relax, enjoy, although I am not well. I do not think the man is really ill, but he is old and old age gives limitations. What I am doing is working hard, so hard that I do not enjoy myself. I do that, thinking that whenever I stop my the sounds in my ears will drive me mad, and that all sorts of sad feelings come up. I am expecting that it is not good for me giving in to the need of relaxation. But this old man is aware of his limitations and his old age, he has a scarf around his neck and a plaid over his legs. He is still doing nothing, not running, like me, and enjoys himself immensely in his blossoming garden. Just sitting means caring for myself, teaches this deck. 
Another issue that this deck can teach me is that I am safe: physically safe and with a room above my head, having enough to eat. For that is driving me to the streets as well, a vague feeling of being unsafe.
Thirdly the deck can teach me that I do not need to prove myself so much anymore, that I should stop that, for it is unnecessary. It is the old man who shows me that with his beautiful house and garden. He has it all! I have it all! 
However nice this card is, the lessons this deck can teach me are difficult ones for me, giving me much fear. I wonder how the cards will nudge me in that direction. In the end it is me of course who needs to do it.