May 28th, 2007

Madonna del "Magnificat" (detail)

Picture the Pain Spread: Card 4

I still do not feel well. I mailed to the homeopath about it, and she asked me to come in immediately. I was glad, because I felt I was in a downward spiral. She said that I had fever for too long. Fever is a good thing in the whole process, but not for too long. When I told her how I felt mentally and physically, she responded: “I think you are overflowing.” That is just what I had dreamt a few days ago, that water pipes in my house broke loose, and all the water flowed into my house. That was great. It was a confirmation to her that she was on the right track. She gave me another remedy. I will now get a rash as the fever goes away.

I must so getting used to the way of thinking in homeopathy “you need to get more sick in order to get better". The homeopath –who is a very nice person- told me that it was especially difficult for chronically ill patients who have found a balance, and want to stick to that. They need a lot of love, care and attention. I am afraid I am one of them. In fact I am one of them. Sigh.

The card that I have pulled as the fourth card in the “Picture the Pain” spread, the Hanged Man, pictures that aptly. The spread on the whole gives a picture of your pain and gives a hint for healing. The fourth card gives insight in how the flow of the past into the present affects your health. I had pulled it a day before I went to the homeopath (but had not post it yet), and I thought of this card immediately when she told me how chronically ill patients respond to homeopathic treatment. 

                           

The card that I have pulled as the fourth card in the “Picture the Pain” spread, the Hanged Man, pictures that aptly. The spread on the whole gives a picture of your pain and gives a hint for healing. The fourth card gives insight in how the flow of the past into the present affects your health. I had pulled it the day before I went to the homeopath (did not post it yet), and I thought of this card immediately when she told me how chronically ill patients respond to homeopathic treatment.

So, how does this card fit in my situation? I am hanging in a balance trying to surrender to not feeling well, not being able to do what I want. That is quite difficult, I felt the pain in my muscles becoming worse identifying with the Hanged Man, muscle pain that I have now because of the fever. In addition to that I am thinking that cannot and never be different from the balance that I already have reached. I am thinking: “It can not become better than it is now.” I hold on stiffly to this position -hence the muscle pain- although it is not an altogether comfortable one. I also desperately hold on to this position, because I am very afraid of ‘loosing it’, or becoming less physically healthy than I was before, what inevitably happens for a period in homeopathic treatment, while being unsure of its outcome.

Must not beat myself on the head for this. I do that somewhere here in this drawing.