June 22nd, 2007

dashing, brave

"Outbreak"

Today I have worked on a dream. The dream was about asylum seekers who were illegal in the country. They were locked up. Police was coming, these people really had no sense, as headless horses, they came out wild, naked, and painted (like traditional natives). I wanted to get them into the place again where they were locked up. I wanted to shut the door. I myself was in danger too if they were found. I called the dream “Outbreak”. The rest of the dream was all about doors that I locked, not with a key, but with a wooden peg and again about the danger of an outbreak of asylum seekers.

First I was happy with the dream, thinking that it was nice that these people came out. My free joyful Three-of-Cups-Nature broke loose! About time! The lid of black tar that I painted last week, lifted up! I did a drawing in which I painted the asylum seekers breaking loose.
 
When I finished it, and I went downstairs to eat lunch I gradually became shocked about my drawing, because I could not get them back in again! (I had painted them while breaking loose).

           
My shock added another layer of meaning on the dream, and also gave me another view on it. The asylum seekers represent not only feelings that I have trouble with allowing. They also stand for people who cross my boundaries, to which I give them opportunity when I am not clear about them. 

I went back to my drawing table. First I made a drawing of a little house with a door for the asylum seekers, to put them symbolically back in their place again.But I could not open the door to let them if I wanted so that did not satisfy me. 

                   

After that I painted little paper dolls, symbolizing the asylum-seekers, and I put them in a black envelope (hmm...the color of tar again) which can be opened and closed. 
         
This inner work changed my view on the dream and my view on my myself. It taught me that I am allowed to be in control, to set boundaries, that this is an important instrument, and that I need it in my life. 

A  fruitful dream.
Madonna del "Magnificat" (detail)

"Outbreak" 2

I did some additional work on my dream “Outbreak” using the tarot. The dream was about asylum seekers who were illegal in my country. They kept escaping from their hidingplace, outgoing and playful. I tried to lock them up, because the police came to search for them. 

I worked with the Universal Fantasy Tarot and the first question I asked was: “What do I need to look at?” The answer was Two of Cups. 

                                       
Often this card –especially in dream work– means to me meeting my shadow. The person that is literally in the shadow, is the male figure.

The next question I pulled from a deck with spread-positions. The question I’ve drawn was: “My male/active side that wants to come to the light.” To that question I pulled Nine of Cups. 

                                         
A roaring dragon is depicted on the card, his paws are hanging down lame; he appears angry to me, but his anger leads to nothing. He cannot make it useful somehow, not using the appropriate instruments (lame arms).

I’ve wondered for a long time: with what in my dream can I associate this dragon? For a while I looked into the possibility to pair it with the asylum seekers. They were more like children to me than men, but in my drawing abut the dream there is red focused energy coming from the asylum seekers which looks male and active (you cannot see it that good in the scanned version). Besides that, male energy can be playful. There is for example a playful male image in the Greek pantheon that expresses this: the goat-god Pan. He is playful and a nuisance, just as the asylum seekers. But then again, the dragon is not a playful type and not childlike. Thus, he cannot represent them. If the dragon does not symbolize the asylum seekers, then it is the ‘me’ in the dream, who desperate tries to imprison them, and is busy bolting doors forever in the dream. For that I need male energy.

I think these cards, drawn in respons to my dream, teach me to reach out to my shadow, to retrieve my male energy from it, and to use that energy wise and effectively, not by roaring, but by starting to draw some boundaries, and say what I desire.