July 7th, 2007

Madonna del "Magnificat" (detail)

The Headless Horseman of Dis-ease: Card 3

Today I have read the third position from the spread “The Headless Horsemen of Dis-ease”. This position is called Resentment. The question is: “What emotion am I re-feeling?” “How is resentment expressed in my physical body?” The card that I received is Four of Cups; the second number four in this spread. On the card a man is invited to join the fun, the other people in the scene want him to participate, but he seems not to like it. 


“Often....”, I started with “Sometimes”, but pushed the Delete button and probably must do that again and write “always”, but I stay with the “often”. Often it is my feeling that I am expected to do things, to care for people in all sort of different ways, and to be pleasant, enthusiast and keeping good cheer. Often (…probably always…) I feel guilty of not doing that enough. But what the card represents most, is me doing things thinking: “Another commitment, another thing I must do, do I really, really want this?” And still consent to do it. These commitments give me much resentment. This problem is on my mind these days, because of the book “The Art of getting Well”, by the sympathetic writer David Spero. Drawing healthy boundaries is one of his recommendations for a healthier living. It is wanting to be nice, not daring to be firm, and sometimes thinking the other one needs it, what makes that I do not draw them (the guilt-trip).

…On the bright side, I did draw some boundaries this week…the influence of the book…small changes is what are recommended…that is enough…