August 8th, 2007

stekelvarken

The Sword and the Leper, Summing Up in the Middle

I went to the Cesar therapist this morning. I am trying to sit on a big rubber ball. For ages now I am trying. It is a struggle, I get pain, pain and pain again. My muscles are tensed and the ball is wobbly, so that gives extra tension. The ball is meant for sitting more relaxed, while practising the muscles all the while. I want badly to sit on the ball, because whatever we try to train strains tendons, and this might be a safe thing. She finds my version of fibro "agressive" because every muscle I use in another way than than I am used to, results in straining tendons and a lot of pain. I do not find it agressive, but I do not like it.

Just to sum things up in the spread that I am doing about The Sword and the Leper, a story about St. Brigid, using the Tarot of Jane Austen. Procrastinating really.

Chieftain, Three of Quills. Part of me that acts cruel because it is hurt. It participates that way in life from a sense of loss and emptiness, a feeling of not being loved.

Leper, The Chariot. Part of me that feels depressed, but does not want to acknowledge it (and drives away from it, on to success) Part of me that is shrewd, that uses every mean to get what it needs, because (it thinks rightly or wrongly) there is no other way to fulfill it.

Sword, The Hanged Man: Part of me that sacrifices her needs for the higher good (connected to Brigid, who gives the sword away). Part of me that is powerless, that has no other instrument than to ask for help to fulfill it needs (connected to the leper, who asks for help en receives the sword).
bed by semyaza

The Sword and the Leper, the Neighbouring Chieftain: Marianne Dashwood, Gravely Ill

It had to happen. I was not planning to pull a card today in the spread about the story The Sword and the Leper (about St. Brigid). I am tired, my eyes hurt, and I am working. But I was so curious what card I would receive for the attitude of the neighbouring chieftain, that I pulled it. And now I do not get the meaning of the card.

The role of the neighbouring chieftain in the story is as follows. Brigid's father want to sell her because she gives too much food away to the poor. He asks if his neighbour wants to buy Brigid as a slave. They negotiate and in the meantime Brigid gives her fathers' sword to a leper. When her father and the neighbour have reached an agreement and come outside, her father notices immediately that Brigid has given his sword away. Her father starts Brigid to beat as for that. The neighbour intervenes by asking why she has done that. Brigid responds saying that she would give all his wealth, and that of her father to the brothers and sisters of Christ, where it according to her, belongs. The chieftain then laughs and says that Brigid is too honest for him to buy her.

The card that I received is Four of Quills, from the Tarot of Jane Austen. 

                            

The card pictures Marianne Dashwood from Sense and Sensibility. She is ill, because she has been not been careful enough to change her wet clothes in dry ones after a walk in the rain. She acted like this, because her heart is broken. She almost dies, so ill she gets. Seeing the image on the card I resonate with it. Although I am certainly not gravely ill, Marianne might be headachy and suffer from painful eyes (I always do when I am ill). But I did not pull it as an image for me. The card must represent the neighbouring chieftain in me in odd ways that I do not understand. 

I must think deep about it.
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