October 11th, 2007

Madonna del "Magnificat" (detail)

A Tower Experience

Being ill I could not sleep very well and, my husband could not either. We found ourselves with our appointment books at five o’clock in the morning worrying about our daughter who is alone too much in the evening. There and then I decided to cancel one of my courses and to put one of them to an afternoon instead of an evening. That gives me eight Monday evenings extra. This realization was so sudden. It felt like a Tower experience.

I felt guilty, because I could have seen it coming beforehand while planning the courses. but somehow I did not. “I is all part of building your practice”, said my husband trying to comfort me. He is the breadwinner, a vicar so often away in the evenings, just as I am with my courses. I canceled one, but still it is very busy until January and even later. I need to cancel some of the courses that start in January too.

I asked the tarot: How is it that I canceled these course? 

I have pulled the Lady (Queen) of Teacups from the Jane Austen Tarot. Depicted is Jane Bennet from Pride and Prejudice. She is composed, but has a tear in her eye. 


An apt card. It makes be sad, reaching my boundary in teaching courses, but the well being of my daughter is more important than my teaching. What I just said is typically Queen of Cups talk. There are warnings in the book about this Lady. I must not wallow in my feelings of guilt (toward my daughter and toward the participants) and as a parent I must not be too indulgent. I need to set healthy boundaries. I need I too realize myself that I am not a bad mother, by doing what I do. That is a difficult one because I have this judgment. 

The Five of Swords

People keep on pulling the Five of Swords; time after time again. Today I thought to ask why that is. I used the Fantastic Menagerie Tarot to give me an answer and I have pulled the Page of Swords. 


Often I see the Page as Swords as someone who needs to learn by experience, just do the what is needed or longed for, without knowing exactly beforehand how to do it. I think that is what is happening now. I see this card all the time and hear all these different stories about it and sometimes I interpret the card myself, if the meaning is not clear. So, the range of meanings grow, but slowly, because the stories that belong to the card are often confusing – the card is confusing.

The Five of Swords will be saying something about my life right now as well. Something that I need to experience to understand it. But I do not know what.