October 20th, 2007

maria in garden

Tough Decisions

I made some tough decisions yesterday and today. Yesterday I canceled the Inner Child Cards course that I had planned January and also the one that comes after that. I had some flyers out to advertise it and they are all gone, but it was just on one event. People there were interested in tarot but not so much that they will intend to follow it. So, no harm done. I changed the dates of another course, which means I do not teach three evenings in a week. Today I postponed yet another a course to January 2009. That is too far away for people to be interested in, but I probably get into problems if I teach it next autumn. So I resist the Devil and follow the Star, that was the message of the robin, the bird that heralds the coming winter. My many courses take the toll of everyone in my little nuclear family. Although I make these changes mostly for my daughter, my husband complains about the tension the preparation of these courses give me. So we all benefit from it. I wonder if all those ambivalent cards I received this autumn during Sukkot were foreboding this problem.

I pulled a card to illustrate the canceling and postponing of my courses and I received Five of Wands of the Fantastic Menagerie tarot. 


The card shows that it is a battle against myself, against my ego and ambition. I was not easy for me to make these changes. 

Moving Books

Today I went through all the books at the attic where a part of our library is situated to seek out all my Wicca and art books. I have put them in our bedroom this afternoon. It is not an ideal place, books are stuffy and my husband is asthmatic, but we have no room anymore at the attic. We sell our old books secondhand on the internet, but it takes years before they are sold (if at all). I would not like sleeping next to astrology, Derrida, theology or tarot, but art and Wicca are peaceful enough.

I have been delving mainly into Christian themes lately and roaming through my Wiccan books made me wonder: what meaning has Wicca for me at this time of my life? The card I received was Ten of Coins. 


On the card an old man looks at a Tree of Life, made from coins. In the Tree is an image of a life-giving fountain. I like the fountain and I like the coins and the ordering of them as a tree; they give me a feeling of safeness and stability. But I also see that the gazing man has a distance to the Tree and the fountain. That illustrates my relation to Wicca. I see the value and I love celebrating the Wheel of the Year (here the order of the coins comes into play) and I wish I had made a workshop of each festival, but there is a distance between me and Wicca.