The card that I have pulled today is for the rooster. This animal has the habit of waking the monk each night at the break of dawn, also when the monk is exhausted from his long night vigils, for which the mouse would wake him up. The rooster does this to save Colman from the sin of sloth.
I have received five of Quills from the Tarot of Jane Austen as the message that the rooster has for me. Pictured is an outdoor garden party, based on the book Emma. Emma, young and beautiful and the centre of things, makes a very nasty remark here about Miss Bates, the woman on the card with dowdy clothes and big spectacles. She is almost crying.
It took me some time to find out what the card means. Am I Emma on this card? Am I Miss Bates? I discovered that I am both. I find it hard to really, really own my religious path. I feel so vulnerable on it, very afraid to be sliced with a delicate knife, or a not so delicate knife, accused of heresy. I even felt suffocating while thinking all this. Yes, it is that bad (but I write this while laughing). In this respect I am Miss Bates, the vulnerable one. At the same time I am Emma, in the sense that I accuse myself of heresy. In the end I oppress myself more than other people do.
That is why I -as Mrs. Morris- steal and act secretively (Seven of Quills). It is not only due to feeling an emptiness inside, it also stems from fear. It is interesting that I got Emma two times already (Three of Coins, Five of Quills) who is the Moon in the deck, symbolizing illusion and fear. It is also interesting that I received Two of Candlesticks for what I seek: growth. On this card is Susan Price pictured from Mansfield Park and one of the themes of this book is integrity. That stands over and against illusion (Emma) and secrecy and stealing (Eight of Quills, Mrs. Norris).
Tomorrow the fly.