The weather has been beautiful the last few weeks, which is remarkable for the Dutch climate. Yet today it is cloudy. Immediately I long back to those lush and warm days.
Today I’ll pull a card alongside a text by Ralph Waldo Emerson about ‘Indian Summer’, the warm days that there sometimes are just before the cold sets in. In those days “the air, the heavenly bodies, and the earth, make a harmony,” Emerson writes.
There are days which occur in this climate, at almost any season of the year, wherein the world reaches its perfection, when the air, the heavenly bodies, and the earth, make a harmony, as it nature would indulge her offspring;… when everything that has life gives sign of satisfaction, and the cattle that lie on the ground seem to have great and tranquil thoughts. This halcyons may be looked for with a little more assurance in that pure October weather, which we distinguish by the name of Indian Summer. The day, immeasurably long, sleeps over the broad hills and warm wide fields. To have lived through all its sunny hours seems longevity enough.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
With the text by Emerson in mind, and thinking of those days, I ask myself the question: What does harmony means to me today? I have used the Arthurian Tarot, a deck based on the stories of Arthur and the Grail.
I can see myself walking over the broad hills and warm wide fields, enjoying the heavy, nutty scent of nuts and the already decaying leaves. So I was surprised to pull this Spear Queen with her bloody spear.
But the card is right on top. The suit of Spears (the equivalent of Wands) symbolizes the wounds we have, and in one take, the healing that pinpointing those wounds can bring. This Queen pinpoints the wound that makes it difficult for me to roam those fields.
What I find hard is not to give people what they want from me. Often I just cannot give it to them. I just cannot. But I do not like to disappoint them, that hurts me.
This Queen does not give what people want from her. She shows them a bloody spear. She says to people who want something that she won’t give: “Sorry dear, cannot do that, cannot do what you ask from me, sorry.” Thus, she gives them so to say a ‘wound’ with her spear. She gives knowingly pain and disappointment, and still lives with herself. There even is a lot of brightness in the card.
This Queen gives me the instrument to live in harmony with myself. To be able to roam those warm fields with their heavy scent, means that I need to dare to live with myself while I disappoint people, hurting them. It makes me free to enjoy myself.