Yesterday I have pulled a card about how I related to Maria in her motherhood. I received The White Hart (the equivalent of The Lovers). There are nice things to see in that card as I think of Maria as a mother, there is a longing for that, but today I focus at my resistance.
Yesterday I looked at the woman and to the deer as if they were Maria and the child. They are related, yet they are standing far from each other on the card. It is not an intimate relationship, which is a big contrast with the relation between a Maria and the child on the painting. They are very closely related. I interpreted this as that I resist myself against seeing Maria as a divine mother for me.
“I am grown up”, I said yesterday. Seeing myself as a (helpless) child is not what I long for. Today I hope to catch my resistance in a tarot-image, in order to receive more information about it. So, my question is: “What is my resistance against Maria as a divine mother (for me?”
Again I have pulled my card from the Arthurian Tarot. I received Spear Nine (Nine of Wands). At this card we see cliffs on which breakers are pounding.
I see myself as this cliff, closed up. I do not open my heart for Maria as a mother. The breakers are lashing and lashing at me and I am tired, weary, and alone, and all stays the same. Sad is it?
Behind this card I see the image of the Nine of Wands from the RWS, on which a wounded, tired man is looking suspicious at what is coming at him. This leads me to think there is a wound which causes my resistance. I need to delve deeper in this.
Painting: Andrea Solaria, Maria with the green cushion.