Last night I had a dream. I was in a mental institution crowded with people. This made me think of Holy Saturday because according to tradition Jesus descends on this day into a very crowded Hades and liberates the souls in there. Often people in a mental institution are in need for some sort of liberation.
As I said, I dreamt that I stayed in a mental institution; it was an institution for psychotherapy. With me were many young people. There were no proper places to sleep, because there were too many people staying. During the night these youngsters made a lot of noise and I did not like that. I felt that I did not belong there. I was too old and I already had done so many therapies, I did not partake in any of them any more. I felt my time there was long overdue. I had outgrown it and I wanted to go away. I decided to say this first thing in the morning to the people in charge.
In my entry yesterday I came to the conclusion that I had an inner conflict regarding the issue of giving and sacrifice (again this theme, sigh); a conflict that I could not resolve. I think the dream has a message about that. Just like Jesus calls the people to come out of Hades, the dream invites me to change my view on giving and sacrifice (which is not helpful to me). Therapy is over now, time to come out of the institution, to rise up from the grave, so to speak.
I decided to draw one card for the message of the dream. I’ve used the Fantastic Menagerie Tarot for it and I received the Ace of Wands.
Pictured on the card is a young father with a baby, a yellow canary. The baby swaddled in cloth, just like Jesus is bounded in cloth when he is laid down in his grave. It is unclear who is the father of the baby, but it will be all right, since it is screaming, which means there is a lot of life in it (that it is unclear who the father is, could be of interest, but I let it rest). The baby is screaming. The yellow canary is a little bit like me in the mental institution, wanting to get out. The meaning of the Ace of Wands is a new beginning of energy and enthusiasm, a spark of energy, a new sense of life. This baby, the new spark, is still swaddled in, but it is there, inviting me to live it, and to feel it sparkling inside. The card confirms my thoughts about the dream. My time was overdue in the institution. I was ready to go into the city again, answering the spark of fire in my heart, which makes it easier to stand up for myself, daring to balance my view on giving and receiving.