What is so nice about biblical figures, also the awesome ones, is that are often not all ‘good’. The are utterly, utterly human. Moses for instance killed an Egyptian who was viciously beating a Hebrew slave. He had to flee to another country Midian where he became a shepherd. Despite this deed, he was the one who delivered the Hebrew people out of in Egypt where they were enslaved, let them through the Red Sea and for forty years through the desert (he is a good candidate for the Chariot). What also is interesting is that prophets, like Moses, never want to be prophets. They all protest against their role in first instance. So does Moses: “I cannot go to the Pharaoh to ask to set my people free,” when God asked him to do that, “I stutter!”
After reading about Moses I wonder why I think that I am not fit for my task. I have used the yellow bag with deck-titles and I received the equivalent of Two of Swords. The card is called in Dutch: Blauwe Gaai.
I could not get the meaning of the card from the picture, it is dark and not expressive, so I had to use the accompanying book by Ted Andrews intensively (and not for the first time). The book is not structured, many sentences after each other in a blur. I am frustrated about having to read so often in that book, thus today is -for the time being- the last time I use this deck.
But the message of the card is interesting and true, although I’d rather not hear it. Here it comes. I think am not fit for my task because I am afraid I cannot reach the most inner core of my being, and besides that I think that I am not able to have access to the ‘highest knowledge’. This language is over the top, but yes it is true. I do think I do not have access to that. No one has it in fact, but still, it would be nice to have it, because often I am in the postion to say some profound truths, or to ask some really to the point questions. I was aware of this fear of me, and yet not really, so this is new in a way. And it is a good thing really to be aware of. Moses did his task nonetheless and so will I.
Book used: Michael J. Shire, The Jewish Prophet, Jewish Lights Publishing, 2001.