I longed for something from the native tradition and I choose an Ojibway song:
I go about pitying
While I am carried by the wind
Across the sky.
Would not it be wonderful to be carried by the wind: feeling the wind in your hair, feeling all light and adventurous, seeing all from above, not being tangled up in all the human worries; being brought to your destination. So why pitying yourself in this extraordinary situation?
I’ve pulled my question to the tarot from a deck with tarot-positions, and the card called “shadow”. So the question is: “What is the shadow I meet in this song?”
The card that I received is Knight of Wands, Henry Tilney from the book Northanger Abbey. The tarot does not grant me a new card of the deck to learn it, I have already pulled this one. Probably I need to find out more about it discovering more of its layers.
It took me a while for I understood the card, but I knew what it meant when I felt miserable about it. The card is meant to be a shadow… so that is not so odd.
When carried by the wind you are high in the sky. Although this is not the Chariot, I see a carriage, and I associate this card with success: Going forward, having success. I always see my not so successful things, pitying myself, like in the song, and that is what I show to others as well. So recognizing success is in the shadow. I do not dare to have success. Related to this is the following, which made me truly miserable. One of the features of the Knight of Wands, Diane Wilkes says in the book with the deck, is the belief in your talents and skills. I do not do that enough, which hinders me in doing my job. I would not call it ‘pitying’ what I do then, but self-degrading by scalding at myself.
Oh, this all too shameful. Tomorrow another post.
Prayer from: Andrew Harvey, The Essential Mystics, Castle Books, 1996.