The card that I have pulled for this position is Seven of Wands.
Pictured is a man who is up against many attackers. The man defends himself bravely. It is not clear if he initiated the struggle, or if he is attacked and cornered. He is holding out though. Will he win in the end? I do not know. He has the biggest spear, but he is outnumbered. The image reminds me of Thomas, the hero in The Matrix Trilogy. We saw The Matrix Reloaded last weekend on television. Thomas is up against many attackers. In the Matrix reloaded they even muliply during a fight.
Despite my view of the deck as the vulnerable Hanged Man, which I explored in yesterdays’ post, this card shows that I feel threatened by it. I feel myself as the man who is attacked on the card. It is really, really odd, I do not know how this deck manages to do it, but memories from the past keep coming back to me. This card depicts me in relation to the deck -because that was the question- but it also depicts me writing my Ph.D. I was always thinking back then that I had to defend myself against many critics. I was up to an unequal battle, because it were the critics in my own mind that did that to me. I did it myself, and not my supervisors. Of course I knew that. I could not stop it though.
Back now to my relation with the deck. I do feel threatened by the deck. Firstly I feel threatened by it, because the deck is a helpless victim in my hands, not being able to say anything back (the deck as Hanged Man in my entry of yesterday). In a way I am caught in the “Drama Triangle”. In this triangle the therapist is suggesting al sorts of helpful things to a client, but the client keeps saying “No” to everything that is offered. The therapist gets to feel really helpless, and the client is getting the power in the relationship, but stays in his or her role as a victim, not taking responsibility for his or own life. Applying this to my relation to the deck: I perceive the deck as a helpless victim (the Hanged Man) to my interpretations, but it never agrees with me. It always differs from my interpretation. In that way the deck gets all the power, so much that I even feel angry and threatened by it, as if many spears are attacking me. Yes, it would indeed be helpful to obtain an other view on the decks’ personality, as chelsearoadalready suggested.
It is not only the vulnerability of the deck, by which I feel threatened. When I pull a card from this deck my first reaction is: “What on earth is this, how am I to interpret this? What does it say to me? I do not understand a bit of it!
But now for another, optimistic take on this card. The fighting man looks really strong, and dapper in the fight. You could also say that I am up for a real challenge in my relation to the deck. Karen Mahony suggests to ask the question when this card comes up: “Is it worth the battle?”. I think it is worth the battle. If I win? I do not know. Thomas, the hero in the Matrix Trilogy, certainly would.