soreOnce I was in a so called ‘pain-program’ in the hospital. One of the therapists helped you to find the best tin-opener or fork for your disabilities. It was also her task to look at your day-scheme. Seeing that I always crossed my boundaries, worked for too long, she asked “Why don’t you stop then?” Giving the answer herself she said: “You do not want to be confronted with being limited, with your disibilities. You do not want that.” She herself encountered this problem often, because she had rheumatism. Once in the six weeks she had to go hospital for a drain with medicines. Then, for four weeks she felt top. She crossed her boundaries over and over, not feeling anything and not wanting to think about any boundary. But at the end of the six weeks she had to pay the price for doing that. She had much pains then. It was very true what she said, I do not want to be confronted with my limitations or illness. On to the reading.
I have used the Victorian Romantic Tarot and I received the Ace of Cups as a response to the question: “What needs healing now?” This first card is the focus card, the most important one in the reading. Every other card is related to this focus and the position is called: “Heart of Darkness.”
What needs healing now? I am closed off; not open to let my feelings flow, feared of letting down my guard and loosing control. The woman sits in an oyster shell. Pearls grow in oysters, milky-white, low glimmering gems. Probably there is an old need in me to keep my guard up for protecting what is vulnerable and valuable.
To be continued.
